My adventures in shamanism - by Frances

"Do not be fooled by the idea that demons are external to us. We are seeing our own mind projected in living colour all around us. Train yourself to see things this way. Generate love and compassion toward whatever demon appears - without or within. When you finally understand from your own experience that there is no need to cater to the concerns of the ego, you will no longer cling to hopes and fears, or gods and demons. You will see that the source of your pain is clinging to your ego. You will rest in the limitless expanse of awareness - your true home. And you will be free" 

~ Lama Tsultrim Allione

The quote above deeply resonates with me, particularly the idea of cultivating loving kindness for the ‘demons’ that live inside of us. Although I must admit that I’ve had pretty tangible experiences of ‘demons’ that felt like they were outside of me. Perhaps things aren’t as they first appear.

In this blog I’ll tell a little about my past experiences with different kinds of ‘demons’, how they effected my healing journey and how I’ve learnt to work with them through shamanic practice.

I recently got back from a three week trip to the US, where my interest in shamanism remerged. I travelled there to train with Lori Lorenz and her work with EFT and Trauma, with Melisa Noel, who had recently become my personal EFT therapist of choice and my supervisor.  I had noticed that my sessions with Melisa in the weeks prior to leaving were naturally going down a more ‘shamanic’ route, due to what was emerging during my personal work, and also with client work. I was interested to see what would happen during our time together in the US.

First I explain a little about how I stumbled into shamanic practice. The world of shamanism rose unexpectedly (and totally uninvited) in my life many years ago, when I was in the midst of ME symptoms and feeling baffled as to how to heal. I reached the point where I would try anything. I first heard about shamanism at the Buddhafield festival, and many of my friends seemed to be having wonderful and wacky experiences with it, so I decided to give it a go.

I went to see a shaman in the Buddhafield healing garden. She went on a journey for me and along the way met a ‘little green man’ who had some advice for me. He told me I needed to let go of shoulds and oughts and honour my innocent playful inner child, who had been left behind.

It actually sounded like pretty good advice, but from a little green man?! Come again

Little did I know how strange things were about to get…

My next experience was soon after this, with an ex-partner, Richard. We had been doing some shamanic explorations together, both attempting to heal ourselves from CFS. It led to many bizarre and intense experiences. Far too bizarre to try to describe here! But I will write about one of the biggest experiences, as it came up again on my US trip, and I think it speaks volumes about the power (and potential problems) of shamanic work.

Richard and I were staying at a cottage in the countryside. One night he woke up with a sense of a presence in the room, and I woke up too, feeling very afraid. Then I literally ‘saw’ a being, a woman, sitting on top of me. She seemed both frightened and angry, and was stabbing at my solar plexus area. To say it was scary is an understatement!

Eventually the presence went away, I calmed down and we went back to sleep, a little shaken, but ok. This experience taught me a lot about the importance of proper preparation before going into this deep, powerful and mysterious work, and of finding an experienced mentor to support the journey.

Which is why, years later in Ashland, USA, when I ‘met’ this woman again, I felt a little frightened, yes, but also safe and protected, with my new shamanic mentor Melisa. We were in a session together, moving into some difficult emotions, when suddenly I experienced and ‘saw’ this exact same woman’s presence. This time she was moving through my body and out my head. She then floated around the room attempting to enter in the bodies of both me and Melisa. Melisa’s experience helped to guide us to be protected from this, while we looked into the woman’s reasons for being there.

Slowly the reasons for her presence unfolded. It turned out the woman was actually trying to get to a much deeper blockage in my solar plexus that came in from a past trauma, a time when I didn’t feel empowered. I instinctively felt this related to an incident in my teenage years when I was seriously physically attacked. So we worked with clearing this blockage out - it felt like a dark black entity.

So, she was actually trying to help me, to help me clear through a deep emotional and energetic blockage! I suddenly realised that this lady had become a healing ally for me, and our hearts opened up to each other. At the same time the black entity began to clear and an immense power came back into my being, a power so strong it felt scary at first. Then I engaged my heart, and I knew with my whole being that this power could only be used for love.

Phew.

Now, I’m very aware that this all could sound completely bonkers. In fact, I own that a part of me certainly thinks it is!

However, I have experienced a definite power in shamanism that most other healing approaches simply don’t get to. Particularly when there has been a trauma, an experience that doesn’t make rational or logical sense – like the physical attack I experienced as a teenager. Perhaps our psyche needs a more symbolic and mythic way for processing these memories. It seems that shamanic practice can also access deeper levels in our being, deeper than the psyche, deeper than we can understand.

However, I am also a very practical person. I’m very aware of the importance of staying grounded and real about what’s going on, especially in shamanic work when it’s all too easy get lost in fantasy (after all, it’s very difficult to know what’s ‘real’ and what’s not in these mysterious realms). It can be helpful to watch to see that the ego isn’t getting involved in any way.

According to Melisa, these kind of shamanic experiences always come for a reason, often because they can deepen the person’s healing potential.

So, with her guidance, and lots of light-heartedness and discernment, I am feeling drawn to bringing a more shamanic approach into my client work. It will begin in a gentle way at the moment and only if it naturally arises. I’ll also bring gentle, shamanic style guided meditations/ journeys as part of both Living from the Heart retreats this summer, to help people access their own inner wisdom, healing and strength.

I’m interested to see how this journey will unfold, and how it will benefit my healing practice. And I’m especially interested in what can happen when I hold all of these wild and wacky experiences, as Tsultrim Allione recommends in her great quote at the top of this blog, in a space of love, compassion and awareness.