I started going on retreat when I had Chronic Fatigue eight years ago and have received many benefits from my time on retreats all these years. I found that when I gifted myself a few days in natural surroundings, away from my daily life and took time to simply be still and meditate that healing experiences would arise.
Often this happened through the surfacing of lots of old emotions, that could sometimes lead to a feeling of a ‘crash’ for a couple of days, as they came up and out. Then I would be filled with energy and come back into my daily life revitalized and refreshed. I often found that after retreat I could build up walking capacity from half a mile to three miles in a week.
My first retreat was in Scotland, it was two years into being unwell and I now see it as the beginning of my healing journey. My boyfriend at the time had told me that when I went on retreat emotional stuff would come up, but that still felt quite alien to me, and I didn’t really get what he meant. I remember a particular moment very vividly that showed me the power of retreat.
I was sitting by a big, beautiful lake and it was a clear day. There wasn’t a sound, no one was around and it was slowly moving towards dusk. After about an hour of sitting there feeling peaceful, I suddenly felt a deep sadness welling up inside me and I began to cry as memory after memory arose about grief around an old relationship. I could literally feel it moving through me, and afterwards I had a tangible sense of ease - a feeling of lightness in my body and mind. The beauty of my surroundings, and knowing that I was safely held, with the support of the teachers had allowed a layer of emotion to finally come up. I say a ‘layer’ because ten years later they are still coming up!
Retreat was especially helpful when I was in the middle of Spiritual Crisis – when everything felt like it was going terribly wrong – that too was happening, much too fast. Being in place of stillness, acceptance and compassion in the countryside was so nurturing and healing. It nurtures who I really was and helped me to recover a natural state of wellbeing.
I have another vivid memory, again of a lake. At the time I remember the fear of feeling like I was balancing on the edge of sanity. I was oscillating back and forth between fear of falling apart and ecstatic states of total peace. Threaded all through it was anxiety that I had gone too far with spiritual practice and was losing my mind. Then, by the lake, a deep sense of reassurance arose in me, a sense that it really IS all ok. Having all that space around me, both physically with the vast expanse of water and symbolically being away from the business of my daily life gave me a chance to come up for breath, and discover an equanimity is fundamentally always with me now.
Now I’m inspired to create a similar space for other people to experience – to be held in a way that encourages integration, healing , peace, stillness, grounding and relaxation.
Recovering Wellbeing Retreat
29th June-1st July 2012
Barmoor House, Hutton le Hole, North Yorkshire.
More info available here: www.theintegraltherapist.co.uk
Email: sophiejanemortimer@yahoo.co.uk
Call: Frances on 07769962085.
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