"Do not be fooled by the idea that demons
are external to us. We are seeing our own mind projected in living colour all
around us. Train yourself to see things this way. Generate love and compassion
toward whatever demon appears - without or within. When you finally understand
from your own experience that there is no need to cater to the concerns of the
ego, you will no longer cling to hopes and fears, or gods and demons. You will
see that the source of your pain is clinging to your ego. You will rest in the limitless
expanse of awareness - your true home. And you will be free"
~ Lama Tsultrim Allione
The quote above deeply resonates with me, particularly the
idea of cultivating loving kindness for the ‘demons’ that live inside of us.
Although I must admit that I’ve had pretty tangible experiences of ‘demons’
that felt like they were outside of me. Perhaps things aren’t as they first
appear.
In this blog I’ll tell a little about my past experiences
with different kinds of ‘demons’, how they effected my healing journey and how
I’ve learnt to work with them through shamanic practice.
I recently got back from a three week trip to the US, where
my interest in shamanism remerged. I travelled there to train with Lori Lorenz
and her work with EFT and Trauma, with Melisa Noel, who had recently become my
personal EFT therapist of choice and my supervisor. I had noticed that my
sessions with Melisa in the weeks prior to leaving were naturally going down a
more ‘shamanic’ route, due to what was emerging during my personal work, and
also with client work. I was interested to see what would happen during our
time together in the US.
First I explain a little about how I stumbled into shamanic
practice. The world of shamanism rose unexpectedly (and totally uninvited) in
my life many years ago, when I was in the midst of ME symptoms and feeling
baffled as to how to heal. I reached the point where I would try anything. I
first heard about shamanism at the Buddhafield festival, and many of my friends
seemed to be having wonderful and wacky experiences with it, so I decided to
give it a go.
I went to see a shaman in the Buddhafield healing garden. She
went on a journey for me and along the way met a ‘little green man’ who had
some advice for me. He told me I needed to let go of shoulds and oughts and honour my innocent playful inner child, who
had been left behind.
It actually sounded like pretty good advice, but from a
little green man?! Come again
Little did I know how strange things were about to get…
My next experience was soon after this, with an ex-partner,
Richard. We had been doing some shamanic explorations together, both attempting
to heal ourselves from CFS. It led to many bizarre and intense experiences. Far
too bizarre to try to describe here! But I will write about one of the biggest
experiences, as it came up again on my US trip, and I think it speaks volumes
about the power (and potential problems) of shamanic work.
Richard and I were staying at a cottage in the countryside.
One night he woke up with a sense of a presence in the room, and I woke up too,
feeling very afraid. Then I literally ‘saw’ a being, a woman, sitting on top of
me. She seemed both frightened and angry, and was stabbing at my solar plexus
area. To say it was scary is an understatement!
Eventually the presence went away, I calmed down and we went
back to sleep, a little shaken, but ok. This experience taught me a lot about
the importance of proper preparation before going into this deep, powerful and
mysterious work, and of finding an experienced mentor to support the journey.
Which is why, years later in Ashland, USA, when I ‘met’ this
woman again, I felt a little frightened, yes, but also safe and protected, with
my new shamanic mentor Melisa. We were in a session together, moving into some
difficult emotions, when suddenly I experienced and ‘saw’ this exact same woman’s
presence. This time she was moving through my body and out my head. She then
floated around the room attempting to enter in the bodies of both me and
Melisa. Melisa’s experience helped to guide us to be protected from this, while
we looked into the woman’s reasons for being there.
Slowly the reasons for her presence unfolded. It turned out
the woman was actually trying to get to a much deeper blockage in my solar
plexus that came in from a past trauma, a time when I didn’t feel empowered. I
instinctively felt this related to an incident in my teenage years when I was
seriously physically attacked. So we worked with clearing this blockage out -
it felt like a dark black entity.
So, she was actually trying to help me, to help me clear
through a deep emotional and energetic blockage! I suddenly realised that this
lady had become a healing ally for me, and our hearts opened up to each other. At
the same time the black entity began to clear and an immense power came back
into my being, a power so strong it felt scary at first. Then I engaged my
heart, and I knew with my whole being that this power could only be used for
love.
Phew.
Now, I’m very aware that this all could sound completely
bonkers. In fact, I own that a part of me certainly thinks it is!
However, I have experienced a definite power in shamanism
that most other healing approaches simply don’t get to. Particularly when there
has been a trauma, an experience that doesn’t make rational or logical sense –
like the physical attack I experienced as a teenager. Perhaps our psyche needs
a more symbolic and mythic way for processing these memories. It seems that
shamanic practice can also access deeper levels in our being, deeper than the
psyche, deeper than we can understand.
However, I am also a very practical person. I’m very aware
of the importance of staying grounded and real about what’s going on, especially
in shamanic work when it’s all too easy get lost in fantasy (after all, it’s
very difficult to know what’s ‘real’ and what’s not in these mysterious
realms). It can be helpful to watch to see that the ego isn’t getting involved
in any way.
According to Melisa, these kind of shamanic experiences
always come for a reason, often because they can deepen the person’s healing
potential.
So, with her guidance, and lots of light-heartedness and
discernment, I am feeling drawn to bringing a more shamanic approach into my
client work. It will begin in a gentle way at the moment and only if it
naturally arises. I’ll also bring gentle, shamanic style guided meditations/
journeys as part of both Living from the Heart retreats this summer, to help
people access their own inner wisdom, healing and strength.
I’m interested to see how this journey will unfold, and how
it will benefit my healing practice. And I’m especially interested in what can
happen when I hold all of these wild and wacky experiences, as Tsultrim Allione
recommends in her great quote at the top of this blog, in a space of love,
compassion and awareness.
